Watching, Thinking, Planning, Pushing

I spent most of today indoors, casually watching the College Championships on ESPN. Even with the frustrations of a spotty stream, it's amazing that I could do that. It got me thinking.

This season has been, for me, an exercise in frustration. What should be the most amazing opportunity of my career to date has been, if I am honest with myself, clearly not nearly the experience I might have hoped it could be. Some of this is outside of my control, and some of it is my own attitude.

There are excuses aplenty. Between the difficulties we had getting off the ground, embroiled as I was in the early struggles we had with team leadership, and my own frailties as a player/leader/person, it would be all too easy to point out how the season's failure had been predetermined, to give up and take comfort in the commentators' dismissiveness.

Then add on top the three major injuries I've had: out four weeks for a calf contusion, out one week and limited another for second degree burns on my ankle, now out two weeks with a bruised hamstring tendon. I've never been the always-injured guy, but now that's how my teammates think of me.

It's taken a toll on my positivity. From being back at the end of 2012 the strongest I had ever been, to now barely making it by, my confidence is low and I've been playing out of practice. Then there are the difficulties that come with being a captain of a struggling team, in a new league with higher hopes than it's perhaps ready for.

All of this while settling in to a new city and a new job, nurturing a now nine-year relationship, and keeping my own business going so I can juggle my student loan debt and other big bills. The cost of relocating to DC was also much higher than it should have been, due to a rental car mishap that saddled me with an additional debt to pay.

But today I watched ultimate on ESPN.

So here's the thing. Today I signed up for 14 hours of yoga. Tomorrow is a holiday. I will see the PT. I fully expect to go for a run afterwards, then watch the College Finals while stuffing my face, followed by practice in the evening and foam rolling to finish. This week I will push, and I will prepare.

We have seven games behind us, two of which I sat. Two more I'll miss for work, leaving seven ahead. Past is past and I am focused. Seven games. Seven weeks.

It will be quite the ride.